Thursday, May 18, 2017

Donald Trump, Opera Critic -- Part II

I received many requests to publish the remainder of Donald's opera review piece from the time that he was an opera critic for the New York Register. Here's Part II:

Puccini: Madama Butterfly – Un Bel Di Vedremo

This loser again. You know, Verdi was way better and Verdi wrote all his operas in English. This guy Puccini was a crybaby too. It would be nice if the lady singing this song would kill herself before halftime in this opera and just get it over with.

Puccini: Madama Butterfly – Coro A Bucca Chiusa

This is a real nice melody, but it sounds like the singers are kind of mumbling or something. I just don’t get it. But if they’re mumbling in Italian, I suppose it’s just as well that they mumble. Not a very impressive song. Not classy. If I were to write a song for a chorus it would be way better and easier to understand.

Rachmaninoff: Vocalise

Finally, we get rid of those lazy Italians and get a real contributor—a Russian. Note the smartness here. No foreign words. No German. No Italian. I should let you know that I have a HUGE problem with this Romananov guy still being buried in New York. He was Russian and should be dug up from his grave in New York and sent back to his beloved motherland. There can be no doubt that this is what he would have wanted if he were alive. I know I’ll help that happen if I ever have any say about it.

Rossini: The Barber of Seville – Una Voce Poco Fa

Sorry about all these Italians, but you’ve got to give the people what they want. Now the lady singing this song, Maria Callas was an amazing singer. At times quite overweight, but when she got her weight under control, fantastic and super hot. She asked me to visit her backstage once, but I was too busy. A lot of people think she was Greek or Italian, but she was a native New Yorker, just like me. But this Rossini guy is a total disgrace. He lived for 76 years and for the last 40 years did absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. He just sat on his fat ass and became a real porker. Embarrassing to all Italians. And I love the Italians. Many of them work at my resorts and they are a great people. Very likeable. And the Romans did a lot of great things. Now this guy’s overtures are supposedly so great, but I think I’m much better at making overtures.

Gluck: Orfeo ed Euridice – Che Faro Senza Euridice?

Now this guy I don’t really know. I am a true opera expert. I know all the great operas from these classical guys, Bach, Chopin, etc. I know all the Beethoven operas by heart. All of them. But Gluck? You know, his name rhymes with “cluck”—to be nice about it—and he really is a chicken. It is cowardly the way he has a woman singing the part of a male god here. And whiney, whiney, whiney: “Oooh, I feel so bad that I lost my hot girlfriend.” –Well get over it pal. Grow some cajones, even if this lady singing doesn’t have any.

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Ten Recommended Classical Recordings: A Sampler for Those New to the Classical Scene

The following is a list of classical recordings that offer a variety of classical genres: opera, symphonies, keyboard, violin concerto, solo cello, piano concerto, and oratorio. Though it is mostly mainstream with respect to the represented composers, it reflects a variety of interesting sounds.

Because the list is intended for someone who is starting to explore classical music many of the recordings are now budget issues. If you have thoughts on the list or would like to pipe in with your own, please do!

1. Mozart: The Magic Flute; Sir Colin Davis, conductor, Staatskapelle Dresden, orchestra; Rundfunkchor Leipzig, choir; Moll, Schreier, Price, Serra, Melbye, Venuti; Philips Duo, recorded in 1985, released on CD in 1994.

2. Beethoven: Symphonies No. 5 and 7, Carlos Kleiber, Wiener Philharmoniker; Deutsche Grammophon, recorded in 1975 and 1976, released on CD in 1996.

3. Bach: Keyboard Pieces, Toccata, BWV 911; Partita BWV 826; English Suite No. 2, BWV 807; Argerich; Deutsche Grammophon, recorded in 1980, released on CD in 2000.

4. Tchaikovsky: Violin Concerto in D; Brahms: Violin Concerto in D; Jascha Heifetz; Fritz Reiner, Chicago Symphony Orchestra; RCA, recorded in 1957, released on SACD in 2005.

5. Panorama—Edvard Grieg, two discs of various piano and orchestral works; Deutsche Grammophon Panorama, recorded on various dates, released on CD in 2000.

6. Bach: Six Unaccompanied Suites for Cello; Yo-Yo Ma; Sony, recorded in 1983, released on CD in 1990.

7. Mozart: The Great Piano Concertos, Vol. I—Brendel; Sir Neville Mariner, The Academy of St. Martin in the Fields; Philips Duo, recorded in 1972-82, released on CD in 1994.

8. Handel: The Messiah; Sir Colin Davis, London Philharmonic Orchestra; Philips Duo, recorded in 1966, released on CD in 1994.

9. Rachmaninoff: Piano Concerto No. 3 and Tchaikovsky: Piano Concerto No. 1; Martha Argerich, Philips, recorded 1982 and 1980, released on CD in 1995.

10. Bach: The Brandenburg Concertos Nos. 1-4 (separate disc one); and Brandenburg Concertos Nos. 5-6 and Orchestral Suite No. 1 (separate disc two), Neville Marriner, The Academy of St. Martin in the Fields; EMI, recorded in 1985, released on CD in 2004.